i feel so free. im finally not tied down to anything or anyone. im focused and inspired. things are finally falling into place mentally for once. its been so long since i had done anything creative but thats all i want to do now. life has become art again. i love it.

im starting to really realize what my true flaws are as well. and seeing the problem is the bigger half of the battle. overcoming them will take some time but i think it will be ok. i am really liking the direction i am taking my life in. the way i view things now....my outlook on everything....how i feel about myself and just life in general. so much progress in just 5 days. its such an improvement. i really have to thank mel though, because i dont think i could have gotten out of my slump without going to pennsic with her. it really opened my eyes to a lot of things. a lot of flaws. a lot of wants. a lot of goals....its about time i stopped hindering myself.

music, art, positivity...thats all my life has been about for the past week and i love it.
i feel independent.
i feel free.

i realize i attach myself to ideas of people or ideas of what i want and i dont work on the present at all. and i let negativity take over because of my lack of self confidence. im over bearing at times. pushy. and i dont always see how things i do could happen to offend someone. that all needs to tone down and i need to put myself into other people's shoes more often. balance...always need balance...

yin and yang.

i feel like i finally found a foundation or my base...now i can build up again. im so so so happy im not attached to alcides anymore. that fucked with me for way too long i dont understand why i allow myself to continue being caught up in something that is stagnant and why i cant ever let things go? well.... that wont happen again, not for a long time. i have my walls up, and i have my standards high... im flyin solo for a while <3